SUMMERSLAM 2023 - What's a Ula Fala?

[MCWAY]

Well, for this year's "Biggest Party of the Summer", it's the focus of the main event because.......

WWE Universal Championship and Tribal Chief position in the Anoa'i/Fatu family (Tribal Combat Rules) - Roman Reigns (c) vs. "Main Event" Jey Uso: Basically, it's a glorified No-DQ match, perhaps with the participants wearing Samoan garb. It's Reigns' first televised title defense since WM39....OVER FOUR MONTHS AGO. That's ridiculous. More to the point, Reigns hasn't won on PPV (or PLE) since then. Jey pinned him in that tag match at Money In The Bank. Now, because Reigns and Sikoa put Jimmy Uso  on the shelf, the elders have declared some sort of crisis. Thus, it must be settled in "Tribal Combat", with Reigns' role as head of the family on the line along with his belt(s).

I smell a heel turn for Jimmy Uso. Reigns is a few weeks short of a full three years as Universal Champion. Jey will put on a show; but Jimmy will swerve him and Reigns retains.

WWE World Heavyweight Championship - Seth "Freakin' " Rollins (c) vs. Finn Balor - The seven-year anniversary of the finals for the inaugural Universal Championship, only it's just bitter Balor with no Demon.....yet. Add the specter that Balor's Judgment Day buddy, Damian Priest, has been teasing a MITB cash-in, and it makes for interesting fodder. For some reason, I don't see a title change. Rollins is still too over. Maybe before 2023 ends, we'll have Priest pull the trigger....BUT PLEASE DON'T LET HIM DO THAT FOR THE IC BELT!!!

WWE Women's Championship (Triple Threat): Asuka (c) vs. Charlotte Flair vs. Bianca Belair - What the heck! UPSET SPECIAL (of sorts): A heel turn for the sweetheart of WWE, Bianca Belair. And the perfect way to introduce that would be having Asuka retain after Flair stops Belair from getting the pin. Then, let Belair get medieval on Flair and leave her laying.


WWE Intercontinental Championship: Gunther (c) vs. Drew McIntyre - Totally bias here: I'm rooting for McIntyre, because if Gunther retains, they'll let him keep the title and he'll pass Honky Tonk Man. I'm sorry! The Honky Tonk Man is the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time. Or as Solomonster put it, what is Honky going to do without that record-long IC reign as his claim to fame? Their match at 'Mania (along with Sheamus) was absolutely smash-mouthedly delicious. Hopefully, McIntyre won't have all those welts on his chests as Sheamus did last year. Maybe they'll give McIntyre his consolatory WrestleMania moment, where he wins a title in front of a stadium of fans (to make up for his empty-arena WWE world title win at WM36). Then, he won't be the Thunderdome champion, anymore.

Brock Lesnar vs. "The American Nightmare" Cody Rhodes - Lesnar apparently is booked in another match that's the "final chapter". Just as last year was his "last time" facing Roman Reigns, this is supposedly the final time (the rubber match) between the three. But, there are no special stipulations. If Rhodes is still going to try and "finish the story", he has to beat the Beast. I'm sure Lesnar is tired of jobbing at SummerSlam. I'd give Rhodes the nod, if there were only one world title. But, now he can still "finish the story" even with a loss. I don't know if it was officially announced, but it was implied that the winner get Rollins for the world title (assuming Rolling retains). I'll reluctantly go with Rhodes.

SummerSlam 25-Man Battle Royal - At least this in on a PPV, as the ATG Battle Royal is scrapped from WrestleMania show altogether. Well, since he surprisingly didn't win the US Title Invitational to get a shot at Austin Theory (who ain't defending his belt at all  ), it appears this has been all but gift-wrapped for Shaun Ricker/Max Dupri/LA Knight.

MMA RULES: Shayna Bayzler vs. "Rowdy" Ronda Rousey - This appears to be a train wreck in the making. Rousey lost to Liv Morgan last year. I don't see her jobbing again, or her stock plunges further. Rousey gets the win.

Logan Paul vs. Ricochet - This beef started with their confrontation and mid-air crash at the Rumble. It escalated because Logan Paul didn't have to qualify to be in the MITB match. Now, to add to it, Paul is making is personal by dragging the ring announcer, (Samantha Irvin, Ricochet's fiancee) into the fray. Get ready for lots of moonsaults, high spots, and perhaps a slap across the kisser from Irvin to Paul. I think Paul gets the win, as I only remember his winning at SummerSlam two years back against the Miz. Logan Paul's status isn't worth all that much, if he keeps losing. Plus, he wants to get in and out, so he can fly to see his brother fight in Dallas.

[MCWAY]

Paul and Ricochet open the show. Paul shines Ricochet's bald head, only to get pimp-slapped. Lots of off-the-ropes bouncing, counters, flips, and fiancee references. Paul's bride-to-be gets a smooch after Paul delivers a vicious neck-breaker, outside the ring. Then, he starts taunting ring announce, Samantha Irvin. Logan Paul is obviously a heel, as the crowd is letting him have it. And apparently, he has one of those old Lex-Luger deals with a steel-plated right hand.

Paul hits a powerslam after streaming, "BRAUUUUUUN!!", which Michael Cole claims is a jab at Ricochet's partner, Braun Strowman. Then, after putting his hand to his ear while the crowd is booing, he throws his opponent off the ropes, hits a boot, and then does a LEGDROP. After a near-fall, he starts posing like the Hulkster himself and keeps the jeers heading his way.

Ricochet hits a spine buster, mimics the Rock, but his the "People's Moonsault". After a two, he keeps going until Paul backdrops him onto the side of his legs. Paul drags Ricochet outside the ring and goes for a "Spanish Fly". But, either it was a botch or both men landed on their feet. Then they try it again, looking to have both wiped out.

Paul matches Ricochet, move for move, but looks more impressive because he's bigger. But, he posts himself and lets his opponent get back into the fray. Ricochet goes for a home-run shot, in the form of super neck breaker from the top rope. But he's too hurt to make the cover. Now, it's flying clotheslines and mini-moonsaults for The One and Only.

Ricochet went for his 450 splash and missed. Somebody loaded Paul's hand with brass knuckles. He gets the punch to the mush, which the ref doesn't see....and it's 1-2-3. Samantha Irvin declares Paul the winner. But, when Paul insists she make the announcement again, she just scowls and continues such as Paul celebrates his win.

[MCWAY]

Lesnar and Rhodes.....and as usual, it's lots of suplexes. But at least, Lesnar is varying them. Instead of just Germans, it's verticals, belly-to-belly ones, and gut-wrenches. Lesnar keeps knocking Rhodes out of the ring and telling him to stay down. Rhodes barely beats the count. Then the Beast gets mad and gives him an F-5 on the floor. When Rhodes barely beats the count again, Lesnar splatters him through the announce table, with Michael Cole pleading with him to stay down.

Rhodes somehow makes it back in the ring again. Lesnar goes for another F-5 but he gets posted. And, here's where it get silly. Rhodes grabs the steps and drills Lesnar, right in front of the ref. This was not a No-DQ match so why wasn't Rhodes disqualified?

Here come disaster kicks and Cody-Cutters, but no three count!! Lesnar counters the Cross-Rhodes attempt with a Kimora. Rhodes stays in it forever before reaching the ropes. During the match, one of the turnbuckle pads disappears; Lesnar gets rammed into it and Rhodes put the Beast in the Kimora. Lesnar however powers out. The Beast goes for the F-5 again but Rhodes counters, finally hits three Cross-Rhodes consecutively and somehow gets the three count.

The American Nightmare smile and then the unthinkable happens. Lesnar takes off his gloves, walks toward Rhodes, headbutts him, and then extends his hand. Rhodes reciprocates and Lesnar raises his opponent's hand presents him to the audience. This looks like THT to me and a telegraph that Rhodes is winning somebody's world title at WM40 (probably that of Reigns).

This was defined as Rhodes having arrived. But, it's nothing special. It's one of the same formulaic methods to beat Lesnar. Either you hit your finisher, right off the bat, and keep hitting them, until he stays down for 3 seconds. Or, Lesnar beats you up 90% of the match but won't pin you and wastes time talking smack to you and the crowd. He makes one mistake, and his opponent capitalizes for the 1-2-3.

[MCWAY]

Battle Royal time! The only surprise here is MVP showed up to bring Omos back. He threw out most of the participants, until the remaining guys chucked him out. As predicted, this last-minute thing was done simply to give a win on PPV to LA Knight.

Now, it's popcorn break time. Rousey and Bayzler are on deck.

[MCWAY]

Basically, it's knockout or submission. And these blows look legit. Bayzler almost kicked Rousey's head off. Something happened to her arm, however. And the ref almost stopped it. A brawl ensues. After trading armbars and ankle locks, Bayzler put a sleeper on Rousey, who tried to rack her opponent's injured arm to break the hold. Bayzler kept one arm wrapped around Rousey's head while biting her hand to endure the pain. Rousey actually started turning purple and once she released Bayzler's other arms, both arms wrapped around the skull and Rousey went nite-nite.

[MCWAY]

The IC title match was next. But I watched it before typing this part here. Lots of chops, both men's chest were loaded with welts. McIntyre got suplexed on the ring steps, which just looked PAINFUL. Gunther apparently does splashes now, with all the grace of a drunken turkey. But they're effective. McIntyre managed to deliver a Claymore kick but took too long to cover Gunther. Then for some reason, he went for a move off the top turnbuckle. It looked as if he were going for a piledriver. But, Gunther escaped and when McIntyre tried a superplex, he slipped and racked his nuts on the top rope. Gunther hit another ugly splashed, followed that up with a lariat, and iced it with a power bomb.

And, sadly (for me), if Gunther makes it to Labor Day, he surpasses the Honky Tonk Man as the longest reigning Intercontinental champion of all time.

World title match is on the horizon.

[MCWAY]

Finn Balor has "SEVEN" on the right shoulder, that was injured seven years ago by Rollins, resulting of Balor's Universal championship reigns lasting but a day. So, Balor spent his time working on Rollin's shoulder, including using the very vertical power bomb on Rollins that Rollins used on him to cause the injury. After numerous Coup De Grace attempts, Balor and Rollins went to a stalemate. Then, Judgment day arrives, with Seņor Money In The Bank, offering his briefcase to Balor as a weapon. The dopey referee just kept letting Dominik Mysterio and Rhea Ripley distract him. First, Rollins managed a stomp to get a near fall. When Balor recovered and actually hit his move, Priest left his briefcase on the apron and distracted the ref. But, when Balor tried to pick it up to use it, Rollins stomped his head on the case, knocked it out of the ring, and got the pin to retain. Raw is going to be interesting now.

WWE women's title is up next.

[MCWAY]

One could argue that this nearly stole the show. Lots of chops from Flair but for some reason, she keeps barely grazing her opponent(s) when she does the moonsaults. The match was sloppy at times, with Flair having to tell Asuka to position her in the ring, so Belair can hit her handspring off-the-ropes moonsault. But, the ladies were getting their spots. Here's where it get good: Belair gets chucked off the top turnbuckle and splatters on the steps with a "SPLAT" that echoes through the building. Her knee is gone and the medics come out. This looks legit. That leave Asuka and Flair to battle as they cart Belair to the back.

Flair finally gets Asuka in the Figure 4 and set up for the Figure 8. Suddenly, Belair shoves off the trainer, limps back to the ring from a quarter of a way down the aisle, drags herself to the top ropes AND HITS A 450 SPLASH ON Flair, while she's bridging in the Figure 8. She gets a near fall, and the the crowd loses it. Then after calling each other female dogs, Belair and Flair get to pounding each other, after depositing Asuka to the floor. Flair misses her chops; Belair get some forearms shots. But, when she goes for the KOD, her knee buckles. Flair hits the Figure 4 and I'm thinking it's a wrap. She bridges into the Figure 8 and just when it's all but over...Asuka spews blueberry juice in Flair's eyes. She goes for a kick to Belair's head but misses, and WHILE STILL LOCKED IN THE FIGURE 4, she rolls up Asuka for the 1-2-3!!

NEW WOMEN'S CHAMPION!!! Asuka is in shock!! Crowd goes wild!! Belair gets the belt and is in tears!!


OH SNAP!!! HERE COMES IYO SKY, with Bayley in tow. Sky tossed the briefcase to Bayley, who wallops Flair and Asuka outside the ring. She charges for Belair, who ducks it and punches Bayley. But Sky picks up the case, chops out Belair's wounded knee, bops Belair in the head with the case. And, as if you had to guess......CASH-IN!! MOONSAULT!! NEW WOMEN'S CHAMPION......AGAIN!!

Crowd is still cheering!! Dakota Kai joins Bayley and the new WWE Women's champ in the ring. Recall those three returned last year after Belair's match with Lynch at SummerSlam. Now, it's hugs and cheers and a gympy Belair slugs to the back!!! Belair is definitely turning heel now.

[MCWAY]

Well, it's main event time. Jey Uso is definitely over, as the fans (59,134 announced) are down since Day one.

Roman Reigns is on his way and it appears they're finally making him come out with just his new belt, not his two old ones. I still don't understand why they didn't just strip Reigns of the World title and have the tournament winner take that one.

Unfortunately, there's no Tribal Gear or atmosphere for Tribal Combat.  The ring announcer doesn't even state that Roman's Ula Fala (symbolizing his title as Tribal Chief) is also on the line. It's basically a No-DQ match. The usual kendo sticks and obligatory back tenderizing with chairs happens. However, there is a nasty spot where Jey Uso drops Reigns through a table from the apron.

Reigns arrived with just his Wiseman in tow. But, you knew Solo Sikoa would rear his ugly blonde head. But, things go south when they try the Spike-Spear combo, only for the Tribal Chief to nail the wrong cousin. More back-bashing from Uso, for both his little brother and cousin.

But when Uso wants to continue the punishment outside the ring, his little brother kicks him in the face. It gets interesting when Sikoa refuses to help Reigns up, as he's clutching his ribs. Reigns thinks Sikoa is turning on him and Sikoa screams as his Tribal Chief. As the banter continues, Jey Uso spears old cousin right through the barricade. Sikoa decides to beat on big brother some more. However, his Rock-Bottom through the table gets counters; he eats Jey's foot and ends up getting splashed through the table AGAIN!!!

Back to the ring, Reigns misses his spear but Uso connected AGAIN with his. Then it's up to the top for the finale. He hits the USO SPLASH; the crowd goes NUTS....1....2......WAIT!! Jey gets yanked out of the ring by a man in black.

JUST AS I CALLED IT!!! IT'S JIMMY USO!!! After what seems to be a forever state of disbelief (and fans chanting, "F&&# YOU, JIMMY!!"), the elder twin kicks Jey right in the mouth, tosses him inside the ring, and leaves him for a shocked champion to defeat. Reigns can't make heads or tails of the happenings between his twin cousins. But, he figures he'll just get the 1-2-3 and ask questions later, which he does after spearing Jey Uso through a vertically-placed table.