hi! okay, so i'm going thru mid life crisis. soon i will be 45 later this summer and i still don't have what i consider a real career making real good money!
is it too late for me or what?! seriously!
background: i fucked around for alot of years, dropping out of school before going back 13 years later to get a b.a. in communications graduating in 2001! thinking i wanted to be in the film industry as an executive for a studio or production company. was in l.a. for a few years doing the peon jobs as production assistants and office assistants working my ass off 12 hour days dealing with 99 percent assholes and doing things that if i was 18 i would do but once you get to be a grown man ( i swear at my late 30's i must have been the oldest p.a./office asst. ever!) you cannot do! (i.e. picking up dog poop! getting yelled at for copying a script and page 62 is sticking out one millimeter!, etcetera, etcetera!)
left california in late 2003 so sickened and disgusted by that industry i didn't want anything to do with tv,film,radio or anything media related. so i guess my degree in communications was a waste people tell me?
so, back in 2005/2006 thought i should try to get a job in a "real" profession/career that there is a demand for, so i thought physical therapist like perhaps working for a sports team someday. then i found out that you have to go to school for like 6 years and get a doctorate degree to be a physical therapist! at my age 6 years is like 12! also the fact that i have a bachelor's degree already meant that i would have to get school loans and no grants! so were talking 20,000 a year or so for 6 years! no way! i already owe 30,000.00 from my previous school loans! i would be paying of school loans when i'm supposed to be saving up money to retire on! literally!
so then i thought "hmm, maybe i'll just be a physical therapy assistant as my full time job since the training is only 2 years and i wouldn't owe anywhere near the amount of school loans if i became a full fledge therapist and that perhaps for a couple of hours in the evening i could be a personal trainer at my gym and in the long run, working as a physical therapy asst and personal trainer i would make as much money as a therapist in the long run....
so, i started going to school to be a physical therapy assistant, however i soon realized a few things 1) it was harder than i thought it was going to be 2) all my instructors told me that for the first few years at least i would end up working at a nursing home or something like that before i ever got to work (if ever) a sports team and 3) i realized that physical therapy assistants don't make that much money perhaps somewhere in the vicinity of 13.00 to 18.00 bucks an hour! even if you do it for 20,30 years! that sucks! so i dropped out!....
now, i'm working only part time as a manager at a recreational center in the midwest hating it, the pay sucks and there is no chance for me to move up and i hate everyone i work with! and since it's only part time i'm actually living with my brother which while i love him, it sucks that i'm a grown man and living this way. meanwhile, he's 5 years younger than me, has a wife and 2 small kids and a nice house and he went to one, that is 1 semester of junior college and dropped out but years ago, he had a friend who had a friend who got him this job making surgical tools and so he wears a lab coat and has a desk and a microscope and now makes 60,000.00 a year doing that? and i'm the smart and educated one?! go figure!
so now, i'm sitting here thinking : where do i go from here? granted, i look alot younger and act alot younger than almost 45, but i'm still my age you know! and i'm tired of being poor and struggling and now with the economy the way it is nationwide, i'm searching for answers!!!!!!!!!!
part of me is thinking, it's too late for me to have a real successful high paying career because 1) i would have to go to school for something medical or finance like and i really don't care to do anything in those fields and 2) at my age i can't go back to school for 4 to 6 years and 3) i'm getting to that age that people wont' hire me because of my age although that's discrimination it's also reality they want to hire some young 20something guy
ive lately been thinking about what i'm good at and that's writing and talking and since i have a communications degree people tell me i should look into radio like i would be a great radio d.j. or radio talk show host, since i have the voice and personality for it, and since i like to write i could also at the same time perhaps write a column, or do a movie review column for a newspaper or free lance for magazines on topics that i care about those being: entertainment, sports, fitness, travel,etc)
but while i can see myself doing these things, and know i could do them, they don't seem to be in much demand and the competition is tough for these jobs in the first place. also, unlike so an accountant you have to go and live where these jobs are....
i want to move back to california, preferably orange county or north san diego county, and a radio/writing career there seems i don't know...? i mean what if there are no jobs there, then what?
also, anywhere in california is soooo expensive i don't even know if i could afford it working a radio job, writing and perhaps very part time like 10 hours a week some personal training? so unlike like i said if your an accountant those jobs are available everywhere! could not imagine though being an office worker, cubicle, wearing a suit everyday kind of guy, how horrible is that!
totally not my personality! i like my personal freedom and individuality too much to have a normal 9 to 5 job!
so for those of you who have read all of my venting and frustration so far (seriously thanks!) where do i go and what is your advice?
should i give up my dreams and go back to school even if only for 2 years and get some masters degree in a field that there is a demand for and that you make money in? finance, business admininistration, medical. (although i don't really care for any of this?) or ....
should i go for it and have faith in myself and screw my chronical age since i feel and look and act a decade younger and go after what i think i want to do and can do meaning the radio personality gigs, writing and some part time personal training and hope i can make a decent not struggling living in california?
thanks for your time and your serious advice! take care!